English Advance!
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope

5 posters

Go down

OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope Empty OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope

Post  Sera Jung Sun Mar 23 2008, 21:11

Emotion is a feeling such as happiness, anger, love, fear and hope which enriches the moments of our life. Though there is some emotion which people don't want to meet and feel such as fear, However I think this makes our lives shine more and gives more opportunities to feel accomplishment by trying to change the bad situation into better. My greatest hope and deepest fear comes from when my health went bed.


I can find the book I would like to read in a library and have lunch with my friends talking about current affairs. I can also run to building not to be late for class. These things are my usual life and there are no certain difficulties for me to do . However when I was in hospital because of operation I couldn't. At that time I realized how the moments in my usual life are so valuable and the importance of health which makes it possible to do some activities. It was one month before 수능, college entrance exam when I heard that I should have operation. It was so regrettable moment as I had thrown all my effort to the exam. I was so fearful of losing the chance to take an exam. The fact that the only thing I could do was staying in bed made me anxious more and more. It was so much pain for me to accept all the circumstances I faced.


However, with the encouragement and emotional support from people around me, I became to remain calm and overcome the difficulties. My doctor sincerely understood my situation giving warm words and tried to convince me that my condition would get well. My friends helped me by keeping the materials for me and I felt safe as long as my parents stayed in hospital with me and their care they gave me was so much support for me. The feeling of being loved by others was enough to alleviate my pain . The fact that there are many people whom I can share my hard time with made me feel happy and get a feeling of certainly for better situation. After that hard time, I have come to realization that being physically healthy, which allows us to not only live a long , productive and enjoyable life but also to do what we like to do is of prime importance in life. Thinking twice the value of health and appreciating all the moments I live , I try to live life to the fullest. The lesson that I leaned from my experience was so valuable enough to see my deepest fear as different side , the greatest hope .


The life is full of uncertain things that no one can predict what would happen exactly. Therefore it is no wonder people come to get in a fearful situation . Depending on how people manage that kind of situation and emotion it can be changed better and real exiciting part of life.


Last edited by Sera Jung on Tue Mar 25 2008, 21:59; edited 2 times in total
Sera Jung
Sera Jung
Wizard
Wizard

Posts : 72
Join date : 2008-03-10

Back to top Go down

OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope Empty Definitely

Post  Younghee choi Sun Mar 23 2008, 21:58

Health is a matter of the utmost importance in life.
I am sorry to hear that you had an operation before taking the big test.
However, it seems like you overcame the difficult time very well and became a part of our university.
Let's be conscious of our eating habit and stay fit until we finish another big test, a Teacher's exam.
Younghee choi
Younghee choi
Superstar!
Superstar!

Posts : 115
Join date : 2008-03-09

Back to top Go down

OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope Empty Re: OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope

Post  Young Tue Mar 25 2008, 08:47

You seem to overcome at least two difficulties: one is the operation and the other is your worry about the enterance exam. You are healthy now, and you are studying in KNU.
I bet you can get over other difficulties that may come sooner or later. Very Happy
Young
Young
Superstar!
Superstar!

Posts : 100
Join date : 2008-03-09

Back to top Go down

OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope Empty Feedback for Sera

Post  Jason Renshaw Wed Mar 26 2008, 20:30

Hi Sera,

Thanks for posting your writing here in response to the topic. Please, next time try to respond more promptly, otherwise you may miss out on getting timely feedback from me...

It was good to hear about your experience and it is a fine example of overcoming obstacles in one's life. Certainly having to have a major operation just before one of the most important tests of your lifetime must have been a traumatic experience! However, based on what you experienced and learned from it, it seems like a fine example of positive character development through a major challenge.

I think your writing is interesting for a couple of different reasons.

First, you have adapted this topic in a way that made it sort of like a personal narrative to demonstrate your feelings about the issues of fear and hope. It results in a slightly indirect response to the topic, but it is still powerful based on the vivid account of how the past experience has shaped your current perspectives on fear and hope. In future, however, I would encourage you to address the core parts of the topic a little more directly to reduce the risk of going off topic when you write.

Secondly, your writing is a great example of some writing devices that I think your classmates could benefit from noticing and learning about!

Your first body paragraph (starting with "I can find...") is a great example of using a contextual "hook" at the start of a paragraph. Up until this point in our lessons, I've only really outlined using the hook in the introduction. It is also possible to use a hook to start body paragraphs, before actually announcing the main idea of that paragraph. You have done that here by first describing the everyday activities you were/are able to enjoy through usual good health. That creates a powerful effect when you announce how these things vanished when you ended up in hospital - which in essence is the main idea of this paragraph.

The lead in to your second paragraph is a great example of how to make a transition between body paragraphs in a way that makes them cohesive - in this case by creating a contrast and moving the story forward. This paragraph also announces its main idea or conclusion at the end rather than at the start. This is fine because the paragraph builds up to it in a logical and engaging way, and in fact makes your assertion about hope more persuasive and powerful.

My teaching approach so far in this course handles writing at a more direct and simplified level, but some of the strategies you've used here in your writing can become a great model for others in the course to learn from and aspire to. So well done on that front!

Below I've made some suggestions relevant to language development:

Sera Jung wrote:Emotion is a feeling such as happiness, anger, love, fear and hope which enriches the moments of our life. Question Though there is some emotion which people don't want to meet and feel such as fear, However I think this makes our lives shine more and gives more opportunities to feel accomplishment by trying to change the bad situation into better. My greatest hope and deepest fear comes from when my health went bed.

I can find the book I would like to read in a library and have lunch with my friends talking about current affairs. I can also run to building not to be late for class. These things are my usual life and there are no certain difficulties for me to do . However when I was in hospital because of operation I couldn't. At that time I realized how the moments in my usual life are so valuable and the importance of health which makes it possible to do some activities. Question It was one month before 수능, college entrance exam when I heard that I should have operation. It was so regrettable moment as I had thrown all my effort to the exam. I was so fearful of losing the chance to take an exam. The fact that the only thing I could do was staying in bed made me anxious more and more. It was so much pain for me to accept all the circumstances I faced.

However, with the encouragement and emotional support from people around me, I became to remain calm and overcome the difficulties. My doctor sincerely understood my situation giving warm words and tried to convince me that my condition would get well. My friends helped me by keeping the materials for me and I felt safe as long as my parents stayed in hospital with me and their care they gave me was so much support for me. The feeling of being loved by others was enough to alleviate my pain . The fact that there are many people whom I can share my hard time with made me feel happy and get a feeling of certainly for better situation. After that hard time, I have come to realization that being physically healthy, which allows us to not only live a long , productive and enjoyable life but also to do what we like to do is of prime importance in life. Thinking twice the value of health and appreciating all the moments I live , I try to live life to the fullest. Question The lesson that I leaned from my experience was so valuable enough to see my deepest fear as different side , the greatest hope .


The life is full of uncertain things that no one can predict what would happen exactly. Therefore it is no wonder people come to get in a fearful situation . Depending on how people manage that kind of situation and emotion it can be changed better and real exiciting part of life.

Cool Although there are some emotions which people don't want to meet and feel (such as fear), I think this makes our lives shine more and gives us more opportunities to feel accomplishment by trying to change a bad situation into something better

Cool It was one month before the Suneung - Korea's college entrance exam - when I heard that I needed to have an operation [Please do not use Hangeul in English essays!]

Cool The lesson I learned from my experience was so valuable that I now see my deepest fear in its opposite incarnation: my greatest hope


Great effort and I look forward to seeing more of your writing in future!

Best of luck,

~ Jason


***
Jason Renshaw
Jason Renshaw
Admin
Admin

Posts : 334
Join date : 2008-03-07
Age : 51

http://onlinEnglish.net

Back to top Go down

OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope Empty Hi Sera~

Post  Jung namsook Thu Mar 27 2008, 20:49

Are you ok now? I'm really sorry to hear that you were so sick just before SAT. Who doubts that health occupies in the place of number one in life. Without fitness, nothing would be meaningful. Life requires a considerable amount of perseverence unlike what we are planning. I hope you are always trying to stay in shape. Could you tell me what you do to stay in shape these days? If you don't do anything, please just do it.

Good night
Take care,

Namsook
Jung namsook
Jung namsook
Superstar!
Superstar!

Posts : 100
Join date : 2008-03-09

Back to top Go down

OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope Empty Re: OP1: My deepest fear and greatest hope

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum