OP1: my greatest fear and hope

We hear someone yells or shouts when he or she is angry at something. This sound often makes people feel unpleasant, and offended. For me, the yelling voice is annoying and even fearful; though I try not to express the fear about it, as I do not want to show my weakness to others. Whenever I hear somebody roar with anger, I become uneasy and insecure even if I am not the one who is to blame; the sound, the shouting voice itself has strong and negative influence on my mind.




To be honest, this strange fear came from my earliest memory. When the story began, I was a 5-year-old girl, who is innocent and delicate. One day, for some reason, my parents had a big fight that night and I was frightened at yelling parents. Also, I was afraid of losing either mom or dad, though they get along with each other now. It was not a tolerable scene for a child who had never seen someone fight like that; moreover, the people who gave her the very first experience about breaking up of the relationship, were her own parents. Now I understand that we all have different opinions and may quarrel over them; however, that unfavorable impression still remains vivid to make me afflicted and anxious.




In general, when we are afraid of something, we can overcome that fear by laying our hopes on some other thing. My greatest fear is a loud, angry voice which has some connection with human relationships; therefore I can get over the terror in the hope that everyone wants good, long-lasting relationship, though they just don't know how to manage it. However, this hope is not my greatest one; I have my greatest hope of my own future.




Some people are concerned about their future, since the future isn't what we can foresee exactly. Because of this uncertainty, my future is my greatest hope and also driving force, though I do not mean that I am not worried at all. No one knows what will happen in the time to come, but everyone can change his or her own future by doing, or not doing some behavior. It also works for me, thus I try to do much better and much harder to make my future more beautiful. I also use my time for special extra work. Future is insecure, but at the same time it has so many possibilities. I am hopeful of those chances, and willing to try all the possible ways.




When there is dark side, there certainly is light side. Suppose that my fear is a dark one, I have hope on the brightest side. Even though I can't remove all the shady spots completely, I believe I can make my sunny place much brighter.

Your essay is certainly making me feel so innocent and nice. I will try not to make a sort of noise before you and pose as elegant as I can. I could reach how you are a positive, sincere and beautiful person while reading yours. I thought I used to be like you not yelling, shouting and sometimes being afraind of too aggressive attitude. By the way, I'm more used to reacting tough ways of life than then, though I know those ways are not quite desirable.

I really enjoyed your writing. How you can organize very well and write a good English?
Let's share. Sujin!

Take care,

Namsook.

You essay on the fear makes me ashamed of all the arguments we've had in front of my child. I always regret having raising my voice in the presence of him, but sometimes it's not really easy to calm down in a moment because of my hot temper. I'll keep in mind your experience and try to avoid showing ugly scenes to my son. Thank you for sharing your story.

Hi Sujin,

Thanks very much for posting your response to the topic. I can see from your writing that you have put quite a lot of thought and effort into it, and you also exhibit some strong writing skills.

Your account of a particular fear and the events that led to it will most probably resonate with a lot of readers. It is interesting how fears can be built around our earliest childhood experiences, isn't it?

Please only leave a single line break between your paragraphs - your first effort had several line breaks which cast the paragraphs unnecessarily far from one another (I've edited this in the quoted version below to show you how it should look).

I also think you might have been able to do something at the start of your essay to show the reader that both fear and hope would be addressed in your response. Reading the first two paragraphs leads the reader to initially believe that this is all going to be about a particular fear and the story that led to it. However, once I started seeing your thoughts on hope, I was very impressed.


I've made some suggestions below relevant to language development:

Youn Sujin wrote: We hear someone yells or shouts when he or she is angry at something. This sound often makes people feel unpleasant, and offended. For me, the yelling voice is annoying and even fearful; though I try not to express the fear about it, as I do not want to show my weakness to others. Whenever I hear somebody roar with anger, I become uneasy and insecure even if I am not the one who is to blame; the sound, the shouting voice itself has strong and negative influence on my mind.

To be honest, this strange fear came from my earliest memory. When the story began, I was a 5-year-old girl, who is innocent and delicate. One day, for some reason, my parents had a big fight that night and I was frightened at yelling parents. Also, I was afraid of losing either mom or dad, though they get along with each other now. It was not a tolerable scene for a child who had never seen someone fight like that; moreover, the people who gave her the very first experience about breaking up of the relationship, were her own parents. Now I understand that we all have different opinions and may quarrel over them; however, that unfavorable impression still remains vivid to make me afflicted and anxious.

In general, when we are afraid of something, we can overcome that fear by laying our hopes on some other thing. My greatest fear is a loud, angry voice which has some connection with human relationships; therefore I can get over the terror in the hope that everyone wants good, long-lasting relationship, though they just don't know how to manage it. However, this hope is not my greatest one; I have my greatest hope of my own future.

Some people are concerned about their future, since the future isn't what we can foresee exactly. Because of this uncertainty, my future is my greatest hope and also driving force, though I do not mean that I am not worried at all. No one knows what will happen in the time to come, but everyone can change his or her own future by doing, or not doing some behavior. It also works for me, thus I try to do much better and much harder to make my future more beautiful. I also use my time for special extra work. Future is insecure, but at the same time it has so many possibilities. I am hopeful of those chances, and willing to try all the possible ways.

When there is dark side, there certainly is light side. Suppose that my fear is a dark one, I have hope on the brightest side. Even though I can't remove all the shady spots completely, I believe I can make my sunny place much brighter.

It is possible to hear a person yelling or shouting when he or she is angry because of something

One night, for some reason, my parents had a big fight and I was frightened of (OR at the sound of) my yelling parents

However, this hope is not my greatest one; that particular hope relates to my own future. (Also, this sentence might have been better placed at the start of the next paragraph rather than the end of this one)


Overall, a very good effort Sujin, and I think your writing is going to develop very rapidly in this class. Well done!

Best of luck,

~ Jason


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Wow, I envy your writing skill!!
You said you feel bad when you hear yelling voice, similary I feel my heart beating when I hear the sound of a motorcycle. Especially, remodelled one.

Your fear from childhood experience makes us think how the adults' behavior affects children shaping their thinking . Your writing is well organized and I learned many things from it.

I have same memory. When I was a child, my parents quarreled with each other. Since that day, I hate shouthing at someone with anger. Also, I don't want to find myself shouting at someone. We should know how to express our feelings correctly.

Also, your writing skill is very good! I envy you^^

Thank you for sharing your candid thoughts.
I also learned a lot from your writing in terms of contents and writing skills.