OP1: My fear and hope - Jumi Im

It is really true for our happiness to be affected by the people we love. To lose them causes us fear and to get them brings us happiness because we are social animals.

Hi!!
My hope is same as yours. That's right- being happy with family.
However, I think sometimes we can't recognize the happiness from family because family is with us all the time.
Good night.

Wishes,
Young

As you said, it seems that people around us are the best thing in life. Some people put money or fame first before any other things and sacrifice themselves and their family but those things can go away quickly and be faded away soon. Then they have nothing left. As I get older, I like my mom more and more. Sometimes it seems that we are friends sharing many memories. Hopefully, you will have lots of memorable moments with nice people around you.

~Jueun

It seems that you are a very warm-hearted person. Don't lose the present status of your mind and love your people around you. I also wish all the happiness and luck in your life!

Losing someone is one of the hardest matters in our life, especially when we become estranged from our friends because of distrust. Several years ago, I made a silly mistake and made one of my friends disappointed. It destroyed our friendship and we are not friends anymore. After that, I always try to treat everyone politely. I think it's important to make efforts not to break good relationships.

Hi there Jumi,

Thanks so much for your response to this topic. I also owe you a small apology: I meant to give feedback first to the students who posted responses earlier than others. Yours was one of the first responses and I didn't notice it until later. In any case, I'll try to get back to you quicker next time!

Being parted from other people is a common fear and a very human one. I think many other students in our class could relate to the fear you express. This is also linked to your hope, showing that family and friends are very important to you.

I like the simplicity of your response, and you've organized your thoughts on both topic aspects (fear and hope) very clearly. I think you could have provided some more detail in each (and even some sort of personal example in the first paragraph about your fear), but what you've done here is a great start.

I was a little unclear about whether your great hope was happiness with friends and family or being well (healthy). I guess they are connected, but which is the main premise of your hope? You start with happiness with friends and family, but later saying "being well" is the most important. You need to clarify this.

Just remember also that you do not need to introduce yourself and the task at the start. Your name is already attached to your post, and we're all familiar with the topic. Instead, try beginning with a short introductory paragraph to show the reader that you are going to write about your deepest fear and greatest hope.


Below are some suggestions relevant to written language development:

Ju-mi,Im wrote:Hello. I'm Ju-mi Im. I write an brief essay about fear and hope.

My deepest fear is to lose people around me. There are many reasons to be parted from each other. They could be misunderstanding such as relationship problem including a quarrel or distrust and avoidable circumstances such as house-moving or death. It could seem like silly concern. However sometimes I think this kind of thing and feel fearful seriously.

My great hope is to live happily with my precious family and friends. Whenever I get a chance to go to temple or see a shooting star although it is considered as superstitious belief, I pray for everybody's health. I think the most important thing in life is to be well. Of course not only I but also other people hope that too.

People can become parted from one another due to a variety of reasons

It may seem like a silly concern

Whenever I get a chance to go to a temple or see a shooting star - although it may be considered a superstitious belief - I pray for everybody's health.


Great first effort, anyway, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your writing in the future.

Best regards,

~ Jason


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Absolutely! People on my side are the most precious!