OP1: my things about our topic!

how would write regarding my things about that...
I usually keep my diary three times a week. It also always connects to serious topics out of my mind.
I think I finally find what I want to join.


my deepest fear...
when I think of that, not usually, sometimes I am dread of losing what I have now like my family, friends.
Our society get cutthroat as time goes, of course there are a lot of good people, However my feeling toward other people get cold and chilly. I am scared of myself when I do.
Fortunately, Only my family and sincere friends who have had relationship for 10 years are always same as before. They always root for me even if I am wrong.
However, what if I lose my treasures like them, how would I live? just doing work a lot?
that could make happy or what? I think there is no question about that.
That's why, I want to keep doing with my family.



my deepest hope...
that also connects to previous one. As a 4th year, I have to get a job for this year.
The thing is that I can't find a balance point between getting a job and family.
Honetsly, I would like to work in foreign sales division at one of the biggest companies in world.
However, If I do, I would be far from my lovely family. That's why, my parent, especially my father, never let me do that. There are always loud things when I start talking about that.
I am still thinking about that when I have free time with a lovely cup of coffee but I can't figure it out.
I hope that I can find that balance points between them because of my love of family...
Really, there is no question about family...

I think it is hard to seek a compromise between family and the career.
If your family are all well, it might be wise for you to put a priority on your career. That would be what your family expect you to do.
I guess your family usually want you to be happy and successful.

I've read some of your writing and comments.
quite an impressive, authentic writing style! I mean, very casual and natural style of writing.
I like it so much~
How can you do this? please give me some hints!


Anyway, you're lucky. Not all the family members love each other like yours.
but you know that people have to move on as they grow.
I hope you overcome your fear and bring out your ability, not only in Korea, but in the world!!

Everybody has the time to cast a deciding vote, and it seems that you are at the moment to do that.
Hope, you have a wise choice and never look back anything left behind.
You look a fine, decent and intelligent man. I'm sure the brightest future will be ahead of you. Just go for it!

Hi Kanghoon,

Thanks for posting your response to this topic. I think you have a natural talent for responding to a topic in a very genuine and appealing way - there is a lot of personal honesty in your writing and that helps to make it appealing to a reader from an interest point of view.

What I would like you to do is work on controlling your writing a little more. Make sure you group your paragraphs tightly and don't 'enter' down a line until your main idea is fully explored. Also be careful with basic punctuation - there should always be a capital letter to start a new sentence and there shouldn't be capital letters following commas in your writing. Also, try to control the scope of your sentences to make them concise and crisp. You write the way you think and speak, and that can be your greatest strength and weakness at the same time; writing 'out loud' (as you would talk) creates very genuine expression of ideas, but results in less control and organization.

Overall, it's a good first effort and I can see you are starting to organize your main ideas in response to a broad topic a lot better.


Below you'll find some suggestions for language development:

Kanghoon Jang wrote:how would write regarding my things about that...
I usually keep my diary three times a week. It also always connects to serious topics out of my mind.
I think I finally find what I want to join.


my deepest fear...
when I think of that, not usually, sometimes I am dread of losing what I have now like my family, friends.
Our society get cutthroat as time goes, of course there are a lot of good people, However my feeling toward other people get cold and chilly. I am scared of myself when I do.
Fortunately, Only my family and sincere friends who have had relationship for 10 years are always same as before. They always root for me even if I am wrong.
However, what if I lose my treasures like them, how would I live? just doing work a lot?
that could make happy or what? I think there is no question about that.
That's why, I want to keep doing with my family.



my deepest hope...
that also connects to previous one. As a 4th year, I have to get a job for this year.
The thing is that I can't find a balance point between getting a job and family.
Honetsly, I would like to work in foreign sales division at one of the biggest companies in world.
However, If I do, I would be far from my lovely family. That's why, my parent, especially my father, never let me do that. There are always loud things when I start talking about that.
I am still thinking about that when I have free time with a lovely cup of coffee but I can't figure it out.
I hope that I can find that balance points between them because of my love of family...
Really, there is no question about family...

This somehow always forms a connection to serious topics I am pondering

First of all, there is my deepest fear...

That has a connection to the previous thoughts about my deepest fear


On a final note (for vocabulary collocation), we can say 'deepest fear' but not 'deepest hope'. On the other hand 'greatest fear' and 'greatest hope' are both perfectly fine. For nice variety, it is best to use the model in the topic (deepest fear and greatest hope).

I hope those pointers help you and good luck for your future writing efforts.

Best wishes,

~ Jason

how thankful you are, my lovely teacher!(If I call you that..hahaha..)

Well, you are definately right! I tried to develope my speaking skills when I stayed in Japan.

Of course there were English courses that I had to submit my essaies in English.

I was really in hard time also I got terrible socres a lot. However, there was a good thing that I have sincere and smart friends living other countries. They always corrected my papers in good ways and I got good scores in some ways.


Honestly, I know how to write English essay but I don't know how to put my English words out of my brains in it. Sometimes there are sentences that I understand but I can't write in those ways in materials, articles. At the same time, I always feel that if I don't write sentences in those ways, I would not be able to be a good English writer.


I knew how important writing skills are. That's why I am taking this course.
thank you again, Jason!


Please forgive me even if I make mistake a lot.


Lovely,


Kanghoon Jang

Thank you for your lovely response!


Well, you have to decorate your every single environment in English like cell phone, keeping a diary, ets.
Also, you need the sincere friends who can share your ideas in English. Hopofully, they are native-speakers because they can correct your English and feedback for you! of course, you have to put your efforts to memorize words that you love and you have to.


When I stayed in Japan even now, I always memorized what I wanted to say and I am supposed to say.
I watched English movies that I love in hundred times thousand times millions times until I got feeling without translations. there are pains but as time goes by, those things are incredible medicines for my English.


Most important thing is that you need native-speakers as friends who always talk(Not just superficial relationship, I mean real ones for you).At least to me, I have four my lovely friends living other countries.(Regina in Germany, Ben in France, Joe and Maxime in Canada). We still keep in touch with each other and chat a lot on MSN.


This is my experiences about what you ask to me. I don't know this is good for you but the thing is that all you have to do is to concentrate on what you really love to. Honestly, to develope my speaking skills(I don't know you think that my speaking skills are good or not but at least I am satisfied in some ways. Of course I am going to develope speaking skills more), I gave up things I wanted to do like Japanese, writing English skills. After that, I got bad scores that I never saw in entire my transcribes. However, I never regret my choices.
You know why? I got my sincere friends instead of the numbers that people always concentrate on.


Languages are different. Before going to Japan, I also think of English as what I have to do. That's why I always focused on the numbers and expectations that other people want to. Now, I am totally different. Languages are always connected with various things that I can't explain to you here. Honestly, you need the experiences like me and then you can pull it off. my words for you, even if I write about that, are not going to help you I think but don't get me wrong. I just want to say honestly in my love. At least, those words would be references. Of course there is a good thing that we have time together in class to talk about it more actively.


see you in classroom then!


Sincerely,


Kanghoon Jang

Hi Kanghoon,

Good to hear from you. Looking at your answer here, I can already see improvements. You are starting to use more tightly controlled paragraphs oriented around exploring one issue or theme at a time. Based on that, I'm so glad to see you're picking up the tips.

I was also interested by your comment that you had English-speaking friends willing to correct your essays a lot. In sixteen years of teaching writing skills, I actually think that can be more problematic than beneficial in the long term. By that I mean that many Korean learners become so dependent on having a native speaker correct their writing efforts that they never really learn to do full written production on their own. Rather than learning how to construct good essays on their own, they in effect learn to believe they cannot write on their own and need access to a teacher or native speaker to make it right for them.

It is exactly that sort of negative dependency that I always try to eradicate for my writing students. There is only one real way to make it happen, and that is to ensure learners are constantly writing and editing and learning from their own production.

I get approached constantly by Koreans wanting me to correct their writing. They are often in such a rush just to 'have it made perfect' that they do not understand when I try to explain that there is a necessary process for them to learn how to do it on their own - and that process takes time, patience, concentration and effort.

In any case, I hope all the students in this course understand that I am not here to write their essays for them, nor to take their initial quick efforts at it and turn them into polished pieces of writing. I am here to teach them how to write capably on their own.

Believe it can happen, because I certainly do...!

Best wishes,

~ Jason


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